Always, every time.
“Why do you want to work here?”
“Because you have an opening, and the pay looks commensurate for the responsibilities. So far, the role looks like a good mutual fit. But I’m going to need more details to ensure we’re good for each other.”
May I suggest reading a history book? “Lies My Teacher Told Me” is excellent. “A People’s History of the United States” is also great. Or, maybe you would like to understand how you’ve been manipulated. Well, cool, maybe “Manufacturing Consent.”
One of the significant contradictions of democracy in the US is that it was largely shaped by various forms of illegal civil disobedience against entrenched power structures. Such civil disobedience is retrospectively seen as justified, committed by people who are retrospectively seen as heroes. But each successive generation is demanded to believe that any further civil disobedience is unreasonable.
Just a small selection of a long history of US civil disobedience:
There is a lot we get to take for granted from our comfortable, privileged perches built with the blood and tears of those who would perform civil disobedience.
Thank you for this. My wife left about a week ago. It blindsided me, but I’m hindsight I could have seen it.
Now I realize that if I don’t work on myself, I will bring all of my problems to any future relationship. I’m only at the very start of the journey, and every day is still painful – our relationship lasted 15 years, and that can’t be unwound quickly.
There is sense of closure and ability of growth in understanding the whys. Explicitly working to avoid carrying forward the injuries is a huge step. As you probably already read in Gottman: the best couple’s therapy is individual therapy. Empathy by way of anecdote: when I was reading Levine’s “Attached,” so many of the example conversations had me feeling like “Were y’all in the room when we were arguing?!”
I’m serious about the being a sounding board/ear. I hope you find inner peace sooner rather than later.
She didn’t change; she finally revealed herself. In short, her attachment type is anxious-avoidant. That shit burns down everything around it. She was jealous AND cheating, which was just rich given that we were ENM/poly. I was so busy with life, work, and my sailboat that I only had romantic bandwidth for her.
I am forever changed. I went on an intensive therapeutic and introspective journey. Anxious-avoidant people can be immensely attractive anxious attachment types like me. I identified that in myself, addressed my own life traumas, and developed my personal boundaries. These days, I’m less poly, more monogamish. I approached dating with explicitly defined intentions and must-haves, rather than just random chance. I found the partner of my dreams, and we’re about to celebrate eight years together.
Early on, there were mutual warning signs, but we both thought we had the tools to face any challenges. As I mentioned, I had poor boundaries, which now would put an immediate end to any such bullshit.
What can I offer now?
Your point is spot-on. Fully agreed: modern dishwashers are way more energy- and water-efficient than manually washing dishes. Like at least an order of magnitude.
I personally struggle with this one for different reasons. Energy and water consumption are a very tight concern since I live on a sailboat. I can’t just crank the tap to get more water. Marine health is also a concern since, ya know, it’s all around me, and I eat some of these critters around my boat. Surfactants in detergent are deeply problematic in the environment and are not removed by most wastewater treatment. Moreover, surfactants impede wastewater treatment because of the emulsification interfere with aerobic treatment (Poland seems to be actively working on the problem). FWIW, manual dish detergent also has surfactants, especially SDS/SLS, so manual washing is not a panacea.
I don’t think there is a “right” answer to be had. But it sticks in my craw both ways.