Thanks, and surprisingly I feel like I’ve been doing alright all things considered. It was a tough couple of days at first and felt pretty traumatic losing someone who I saw face to face for years, especially when there was never any indication of any health issue, and they’re the lynchpin holding together our small team - it’s pretty hard to think about how we all wished each other a good weekend on Friday and that was it. But I’ve been trying my best to process in a healthy way and come to terms with the reality that anyone can be taken away at any moment - as if life were a battlefield. This is the first loss I’ve really experienced as an adult and never really had to face that reality. I also find it somewhat comforting that it’s probably unlikely that all the future losses I experience will be so sudden, as well as the fact that our team is all going through this together in our own ways.

I’m lucky that I have a great partner as well as the sweetest cat who is keeping me on my routine. Even if I’m not actually being productive with work, just going through my daily routine and getting used to seeing only the faces of the rest of the team feels like it’s helping. Even making my morning coffee makes me sad because I’m used to seeing my boss shortly after, but I guess the more I do it the less painful it’ll be. I initially wanted to take a week completely off, but part of me feels like showing up on zoom every morning is helping my coworkers as much as it helps me to maintain a sense of normalcy and adjust to how things are going to be.

We basically can at my job, but despite our coworker/manager passing away over the weekend it still feels like we’re all obligated to show up to our daily zoom check ins because everyone is trying to process and seeing faces every day probably helps. If it weren’t for that I’d call in sad for the week.